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Did Atlanta Make the Top 10.... Uh,
oh Woodland
Gate
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"What can we say about Miami except that it brings out the worst cheesy tendencies in people of all races, creeds, and colors." |
If you look at some of the most talented people to ever walk the planet
that ended up destroying themselves - Hemingway, Bruce, Belushi, Morrison,
Fitzgerald, Faulkner, Welles, and yes even Osbourne - all have one thing
in common. LA.
This one should be obvious to any intelligent human: Mormons and lots
of them. Need we say more?
If you took Chicago, sucked out every last ounce of culture including
its thriving music scenes and quality restaurants and bars, leaving a
graying hulk of skyscrapers and a complete lack of night life, then you
would have Cincinnati. To some Cincinnati is the greatest city in the U.S.
- usually these folks are old, white, Christian fundamentalists, confined
to wheelchairs, and are very scared of "coloreds." If you are not this
type of person and you live in Cincinnati and like it, you have mental
problems and should seek professional help.
The "Gateway to the West" has three strikes against it. First is that
St. Louis has the highest crime rate of any U.S. city. Second, the main
architectural landmark looks like an unfinished McDonald's logo. Third,
Bob Costas lives there.
Any place nicknamed "Hotlanta" has to suck big time. Here's the catch:
Did you ever meet someone who went to New York City and said, "I didn't
like it, it was too dirty and oh my God there were all these weirdoes."
Usually in the next sentence they'll say, "But I really like Hotlanta,
it's so cool down there." That's because Atlanta is the city of choice for
suburbanites who don't really like cities. Hence Atlanta has turned into
nothing more than an over-sprawled suburb, just with more bad bars.
What can we say about Miami except that it brings out the worst cheesy
tendencies in people of all races, creeds, and colors. If you want to see
blacks, whites, and latinos at their intellectual lowest, than Miami is
just for you. Gaudy neon, bad dance clubs, dopey fashionistas, y'all come
back now ya hear!
Only an idiot would want to spend most of the year trapped in air
conditioning. Such an idiot usually moves to Phoenix. Then this dope will
say, "Yeah but it's a dry heat." To make matters worse there is absolutely
nothing to do in Phoenix besides run from your car's air conditioning to
your house's air conditioning. Or you can play golf. Otherwise, they
should tear the whole metropolis down and let it just rot back into the
desert.
The obvious choice for worst city to live in is Cleveland. Not so much because of the lack of culture. Nor is it the lack of a thriving night life. And it is not the constant economic pall that looms over the city. What really makes Cleveland the worst city in all of America is the fact that it shares many of these qualities with other cities - such as its Ohio Twin, Toledo - and refuses to acknowledge it. As a recent article in the Washington Post pointed out, Cleveland peaked in the 1930s and has been on the downslide ever since. To make matters worse, the Plain Dealer - the local city newspaper - found that the higher a young person's education degree, the more likely said person was to move out of Cleveland. In fact it was one of the only three major metropolitan areas in the 1990s to experience such a mass exodus of intelligence. In essence, smart people leave Cleveland while the dumb stay to crank out children and watch the Indians games. Now if you said this to the average Clevelandite, they would call you an a-hole, pound their fist on the table, and insist that Cleveland has just as much to offer as New York City or Chicago. It's almost as if the citizens have become desensitized to the obvious. At least the Toledoans have a clue, but Clevelandites like their city just the way it is and they're damn proud of it…with the closed steel mills, and bad wing joints, and those horrible blues bands that all play a terrible rendition of "Mustang Sally."
FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ON THE PROPERTY LISTED
ABOVE OR THE TIP PROVIDED
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL CHRISSY@CASTLESBYCHRISSY.COM OR CALL ME AT
404.925.5335
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FIRST ATLANTA
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